349 Days Remaining
So...I had a lovely weekend away with my sis (well, not really a weekend; we left Saturday afternoon and got back Sunday early evening, but for us it felt like an eternity). We had a blast just sharing sister time, laughing our fool heads off and enjoying not having any responsibilities. Having someone else do all the cooking is the best feeling in the world.
Talking with my sister is, for me, like writing - it always helps clarify things. A few things stood out to me this weekend and made me realize that there are things I need to add to my list of things I want to accomplish this year. We talked about travel and my need to get away for some time on my own. The Bed & Breakfast that we stayed at in Lake Cowichan was lovely and they treated us wonderfully, and prior to heading up there I had thought that if it was nice and we liked staying there, that might be an idea for where I might like to go and stay for a week or so with my thoughts. Once we were there, however, I realized that the town is really too small for that kind of thing, and all the things that you can do there are outdoorsy-type things. If I manage to get away, it will be during the winter, so I'd basically be stuck there for a week with not much to do but sit in a room and think. As much as I know I need that time to be just with myself, I need to be able to get out and stretch my legs and explore my surroundings. I have to admit that their wonderful soaker tub and complimentary aromatherapy bath salts are a nice way to spend some time, but even I wouldn't be able to do that for an entire week.
|Okay, maybe I could manage to do it for a week...|
Anyway, I had asked them about a winter rate, and they informed me that they are only open seasonally, so that idea was out the window anyway. (Another "problem" was that we got along so well with our friendly hosts that I am afraid I would spend more time gabbing with them and less time getting to know me, which is of course the whole point!)
It was good to take this day away to recognize what kind of place I want to choose for my little getaway, and now I know that Cowichan is definitely out of the question - lovely as it is in the summer. I still need to figure out where I want to go for my alone-with-myself getaway, but Jasper is an idea. Sitting in the hot springs with snow all around me sounds lovely. Time to research.
Today we headed up to Chemainus, which is such a pretty town, and caught an afternoon performance of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Being in that theater and getting all caught up in the emotion of the actors and the music and dance and singing just made me throb with the need to perform again. I tried to remember the last time I actually performed in a play onstage, and I was surprised to realize that it has been over 12 years - I believe that last play I was in was The Workhouse Ward in Three Hills in 1999 or 2000. I`ve shied away from theater since then because I`ve been so busy with the kids, and film & television acting can be so much less time-consuming (if you only get small parts and the occasional commercial, like I do) than having a role in a theater production, where rehearsals end up taking up many of your evenings and then the actual house performance eats up your every waking moment for however long it runs. But that rush, that feeling of being on stage and giving every ounce of yourself to a character...that chance to feel connected to an audience in a way you can only imagine when you are in front of a camera...I miss that. I want to emote again...I want to have a character I can be involved with. I want the camaraderie with other actors and stage crew. And if there is singing - even better! A musical with singing and dancing...I wonder if there is a way that I can do something like that, sometime soon.
Mission One: try to audition for a show and see if I can possibly work it into my schedule.
|How could I not want to be a part of something so fun?|
Speaking of dancing, that's another thing I really want to do this year. I know I already had it on my 43Things list (see previous post: What to Do, What to Do) but I really felt it when I watched the play today. All that energy! I want my body to work the way it's supposed to work; right now it just hurts a lot and I know that it's not in anywhere as good shape as it was this time last year when I was working out every day. (Putting on my bathing suit and glancing over my shoulder at the mirror today made the resolution to work out as firm as my thighs aren't. Ah, cellulite, why do you torture me so?) Our bodies are so amazing a creation, and I felt it when I was healthy and strong. I want to be back in that good shape, and I want to dance and have fun, so why not combine the two?
Mission Two: Find a Zumba class, or try Jazzercise again. Note to self: You should probably start running stairs and doing lunges again for a couple of weeks before you try squeezing into workout gear.
Funny how you can plan for one thing (ie: tubing down the Cowichan River today) and when circumstances conspire against you (ie: the weather sucked) end up doing something completely different, and the thing you end up doing instead (ie: heading up to Chemainus and watching a musical) affects you in some minor yet seemingly hugely important way. For me, seeing Joseph today brought up all kinds of desires I had sort of forgotten about. Dancing was one; acting and singing onstage was another; and unfortunately, other kinds of desires started peeking up at me as well. Do you know, there are an awful lot of partially clothed men in this particular musical. Partially clothed meaning...half unclothed. At one point I remember that the only thing I was really aware of was the fact that Jacob's sons were a darn good-looking lot. Quite a lot of lovely eye candy. Which brings me to the realization that...uh oh. This next year (no, it's only 349 days now, not a full year!) could be very difficult for me. Men are off-limits, including just paying too much attention to their pecs and abs (oh yes, some lovely abs today). I suppose learning to deal with those types of desires is really part of what this year is all about. I'm used to abstinence, but I tend to turn on that "singles radar" when I don`t have a boyfriend, and I`m supposed to stow it. There isn`t going to be any way I can completely avoid nice-looking men, so I have to learn to just not look. Hmm. That will be difficult.
Mission Three: Forget men exist.
I`ve failed at Mission Three already. 349 more days of do-overs coming up.